dear soccer,

i’m writing to inform you of an invention known as the stopwatch. perhaps this hasn’t made it to europe, or other soccer-crazed nations yet, but allow me to explain:

the stopwatch allows you to keep track of time. i know what you’re thinking: “we use a watch for that, silly american football fan!” but wait. the real beauty of the stopwatch is that you can stop it (for example, if there is an injury, or if game play is temporarily stopped) and then, the really revolutionary part is that you can restart it. right where you left off. i believe this invention would add a lot of accuracy and more validity to the sport of soccer. this methodology has worked well for many other sports, including basketball, hockey, football and - well, any other sport that is timed.

think about it.