i am part of a website that periodically emails me freelance job opportunities. i’ve gotten some decent work from the site, and there are a lot of legit companies looking for freelance help. however, there are also a good deal of really strange job listings. case in point:

I have a website. I need someone to set up my page for me. It is basic. I need to put up a picture of a horse, which I have a clipart of, but prefer a white horse with large beautiful wings and a baby on it’s back holding the mane. I need the colors to represent hell dark red and blue water that the horse is rearring out of that looks like heaven crystal clear blue glowing water. I would love for the wings on the horse to move and the front legs to fight, but it doesn’t have too. I want people to be able to send me and email to order a book and or just go to the shopping cart. Blue host has all the shopping carts and all that. I think even paypal. I want linking words set up. I have a list of the words.. Search words..

come on, i can’t make stuff like this up.

any takers? i’ll forward you the contact info…

—

in craft news: oh my

in food news: some pretty tasty burgers

in geek news: FACT - scientists will think you’re a dork if you use terms like google bombing, but its pretty entertaining and actually works

about a month ago, someone from people magazine contacted me via flickr and asked if they could use one of my pics for their upcoming feature on bad bridesmaid dresses. i said yes and now my pic is on their wedding blog. (they’re picking some of the pics to go in their print issue next month - its totally going to be my big break)

you can leave comments on the pics, and they started off nice enough. “oh, she’s cute, but ugly dress”. well, isn’t that precious? strange girls saying i’m cute. kinda weird. but now we’ve moved on to things like making fun of my shoes (my chucks?!?!) and calling me a drama queen because i said it was the most heinous dress i’ve ever seen. clearly these girls have no idea of the comedic value of sarcasm.

see it for yourself

no, of course i’m not encouraging you to leave pro-chuck comments…hehehe

-jcrew: i ordered a dress to wear to an upcoming wedding, then realized i ordered the wrong size. placed the order friday night, emailed customer service today (saturday) at 4p to see if i could change the size before they shipped it. heard back at 6p - on a saturday - the night before a holiday. way to go, jcrew. now i feel a little bad about defacing all of holly’s jcrew catalogs that came to the apartment at college. and the best part is the email they sent me…

Thank you for contacting J.Crew regarding your order.

We are glad to let you know we were able to make the requested size change.

If we can help you with anything else, please feel free to write again
at contactus@jcrew.com. If you’d prefer to speak personally with one of
our Customer Service associates, call us toll free 1.800.562.0258.

By the way, have you had the chance to see our latest arrivals at
jcrew.com? The Marsala patent-leather cutout ballet flats (83282), which
are made in Italy, would look amazing with your swiss-dot dress.

Sincerely,
Jared

i don’t know who this jared character is, but is he available to go shopping with me on a regular basis? this is a really smart customer service response. i actually went to the site and searched for the item number mentioned in the email just to see what the shoes were like. they were ok. and $138. no sale…but you get a blog post and an upnod, jared/jcrew.

-adagio teas: john sent me a $5 gift certificate from these guys. i got my tea on friday and tried it this afternoon, it was wonderful. not to mention, their site is killer. i’ve gone to it every day since i got my gift certificate. i’m not one to high five, but i’d high five adagio teas if i could. by the way, if you want me to send you a $5 gift certificate, leave a comment (i can see your email but no one else can) and i’ll send one your way

-lotta jansdotter: getting in touch with my (alleged) swedish heritage via lotta jandsdotter’s book, Simple Sewing: Patterns and How-To for 24 Fresh and Easy Projects. no joke, this is the best $16 of crafting money i’ve ever spent. spiral bound so it sits flat on your table and - GET THIS - all the patterns are folded up neatly in a big pocket in the front of the book. are you kidding me? i made an apron for $20 of fabric in 2 hours this afternoon.

-textile fabrics: right outside the kroger on 8th ave just south of downtown nashville. i’ve always seen it and went for the first time this morning. i almost didn’t leave because i just wanted to move in.

freaks and geeks: got it on netflix - cracking me up.

about six months ago i was bored, so i went down to the mall because i heard a commercial on the radio that said there was going to be a model search and i figured that if i’m going to have to be 5 feet 10 inches tall, i might as well put it to good use, right? so i went, and met with the scouts, had some photos taken, and never heard back.

then today i find this photo on a website. i guess they liked me after all and decided to use my picture without my permission.

ok, just kidding. its april fool’s day and that’s not me. but you believed me for at least a split-second didn’t you? come on, that model looks a little like me, don’t you think? perhaps she’s my estranged twin sister…