i didn’t take my lunch to work we me today, which is unusual. so, i had to go find somewhere to eat. i definitely do NOT know my way around the side of town i work on, and things are rather spread out. so, my plan was to drive in one direction until i saw something that sounded good. i picked the wrong direction and my choices were waffle house, hardee’s, and jack in the box. i’ve never been to hardee’s or jack in the box and reluctantly decided to give hardee’s a try. little did i know their menu consists of a very specific formula:

weight of meat + type of meat + artery-clogging topping (optional)

there are such things as 1/3 lb. cheeseburger cheddar bacon melts and 2/3 lb. thickburger swiss and bacon. i was completely disgusted with myself. anyway, that’s not the point.

i get back to my office and am carrying:

1. my purse
2. my keys
3. my drink
4. a bag of food
5. umbrella (its raining)

as i clumsily descend the stairs that lead to the bottom floor entrance outside my building, i am clearly struggling to manage all of this stuff. as i approach the entrance, i pass a middle aged man wearing an ugly suit who is just finishing his cigarette. he looks directly at me, puts out his cigarette and rushes to the door as i think to myself “thank goodness, i had no idea how i was going to open that door” only to see him quickly scurry to get himself through the door, about 5 feet ahead of me, just in time for the door to close right on me…TWICE. that’s right, both doors.

how i managed to ride the elevator with this man without kneeing him in the nuts, is beyond me. but i do know he got off on the fifth floor, and i’m considering mugging him next week.